Mental Grit - Digi Dare #324

Another Digi Dare challenge - #324 to be exact. 

This was a tough challenge for me to complete. I had to think long and hard about the challenges I've faced in life and determine which one actually made me stronger or had a silver lining. And almost every single one that came to mind started with this particular moment (you can read the journaling after the credits):

CREDITS:

Purple Rain, Photo Masks #1 and Graffiti papers (Paula Kesselring)

Twiddle Twiddle, Wanderlust, and Build Your Own Butterfly (Pink Reptile Designs)

Today and Speechless alpha (Studio 68)
Misty Paint brushes (Lynne-Marie)
Font: Jenna Sue

The journaling reads as follows:

5 months of training boiled down to one day, one race.

I survived aches and pains soothed by Biofreeze and ice baths. I knew the physical injuries were all a part of the marathon training. And when the day of the big race arrived, the day I had dreamed of and dreaded simultaneously, I awoke with apprehension and excitement. I was prepared as much as I could be. Music loaded on the iPod, camera and phone in a fanny pack, portable water bottles filled with special liquid, Jelly Belly Sport Beans pinned to my running skirt... I had all that I needed to survive 26.2 miles of running.

Or so I thought.

It wasn’t until after the 20th mile that I realized I needed one thing that you couldn’t buy or pack. It was perseverance. About mile 21, the troublesome pain in my left foot was rearing its ugly head, causing me to limp along the course in tears. I wanted to quit. I cursed myself for making such an insane decision to run a marathon when I never even wanted to run a mile.

I thought about all the time, all the effort, all the pain that I had endured to make it this far - only a few miles away from the inevitable end and from accomplishing one of the craziest goals I’ve ever made for myself. I could NOT, would NOT, bail after 20-something miles. I COULD do this, I COULD finish, even if I had to crawl across the finish line. 

One of my team’s walking coaches, who could see me struggling with pain and frustration, called out to me as she passed. In seconds, she was on her cell phone. When she hung up, she said that another coach would meet me in less than a mile to provide some Biofreeze to ease the pain in my left hip and foot. She gave me a pat on the back and continued on.

At approximately mile 22, one of my team’s running coaches was standing off to the side, waving me down as I got closer. He handed me the packet of Biofreeze, waiting to make sure I was okay after the application. With the physical pain taken care of, it was up to me to push myself the remaining 3 miles.

Pain relieved, I had renewed determination, especially since I could see the finish line up ahead. I paced myself, wanting to RUN across the finish line, which I did - PROUDLY.

Although I didn’t know it at the time, that one experience in my life prepared me for other difficult situations to come in the next few years: the pain of childbirth, the stress over finding another job... Each time I come across a challenge, I now compare it to the pain and/or mental state I had on race day. After living through the agony on race day, I know that I CAN go on - physically and mentally. My body proved I could withstand a severe amount of pain. And my mental state demonstrated that it was indeed mind over matter.

As I was writing the journaling for the page, I found myself reliving the moment. I still feel some mental anguish over this memory and this day - enough to bring tears to my eyes.

I used a little bit of symbolism when I blended the background papers. The brick wall is a reminder of how I felt when I was limping along the course, wanting to throw in the towel. The butterfly signifies the freedom I feel knowing that I can withstand the mental capacity needed to complete a feat where your body and mind are fighting against each other.

To this day, I can't bring myself to train for another marathon. But I know that I will run again when I'm ready.